Masters

Anyone like me who is in the process of completing a masters (or Ph.D.) thesis fully realizes the annoyance potential of friends and family. Really annoying doesn't even begin to describe the fury and depression inspired by that infamous question. The one that gives graduate students sweaty palms and elevated heart rate just at the mere mention of "How is your thesis going?" (or its other form "When is your thesis going to be finished?").

In the beginning it will be innocent and even well-received but as time goes on that one little question will open the flood gates on doubt, uncertainty, frustration and hopelessness causing the acute stress response known as fight of flight. You may think that it can't possibly be that bad and that I am exaggerating; but dear reader you are wrong. This feeling is so ubiquitous, so pervasive that it has been immortalized in Ph.D. Comic's strip about Thesis Etiquette (remember that Ph.D. Comics is the quintessential guide to graduate student life, feeding and care). So yes it really is that bad, and yes that is how we feel when asked that question.

If that isn't bad enough, people ask this question again and again and again. At first I assumed it was ignorance, but even after politely explaining the ramifications they continue to ask! So I can really only conclude that they have this misbegotten notion that harassing you constantly is somehow helping you finish faster. Again with the wrongness! Think of someone standing over your shoulder saying "Are you done yet? Are you done yet? Are you done yet? Are you done yet?" Do you think that would make you finish your task faster? No! It would only irritate the $%^& out of you and make you want to throw someone off a bridge. So....

Seriously, you are reading this blog so you are probably smart, funny and sexy so if you know a graduate student please raise above your baser instincts and distinguish yourself from the rest of the morons. Show compassion and sympathy, if you want to support them in their academic efforts give them free food and offer to proof-read their work. I am now very much looking forward to all the comments and messages asking - sincerely - how my thesis is going.